Believe me..... no really, BELIEVE ME

It's been months since I have written anything but I know if I don't write this down now I will most probably end up crying myself into a flare.
In the first 4 months of this year, I have been trying to take a different approach to my life. I have tried to focus as much as possible on my family, my work, my passions. I have tried to ignore the increasing pain frequency and intensity over time. Even on the bad days, and there have been many, even on the frustrating Dr appointment days, the days where I am stressed about the cost of medication, the days when I am heartbroken at missing out on spending time with loved ones....yes even on those days I have tried to work with my TN instead of fighting against it.

Now I am tired. I am so incredibly sick and tired of it all. I have been tired for a while, but that proverbial last straw made its appearance today in the form of communication with one of the doctors I have seen recently. I am surprised, to be honest, at how much this has affected me, since it's not the first time it's happened in

the past 3 years, but it hurts like hell to basically be told that you are lying about your symptoms. It cuts like a knife to be told that your scans do not show how you could be experiencing pain that feels like a knife being stuck into your ear and jaw at random on a daily basis. It crushes the soul to be told that the crushing bone pain you say you feel can't be so, even though there is a valid and proven bone-related diagnosis. It truly is a slap in the face to be told that the lack of red flags on a scan mean that your symptoms of pain in your face are not real.

I still have two, out of the many, doctors who believe me. One is possibly willing to repeat the surgery she did last year in a effort to provide a little more temporary relief....I know that I should be focusing on that right now. Seriously though, the psychological and emotional pain of the reality that is the medical professions' disbelief of those like me, is quite honestly overwhelming every time you experience it.

Today that elephant is at least a ton heavier, I hope that one day soon it will lift itself just slightly and give me a freaking break.

There's an elephant on my face by Lianne Keiller is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License. Subscribe in a reader