Hard work... For what?

I have been "quiet" thanks to quite bad and continuous attacks lately....it basically sucks the life out of you and I have had to prioritise.

I had a conversation with my husband a few days ago that has inspired this post.

One of the common themes in posts on the support groups for TN is that of "I never thought this is how my life would be..." I can relate and add another commonly used part to that sentence "...at this age."

The conversation I spoke of above followed a similar path. I began saying that I never dreamed this life up for me and my family and then stopped. You know what? I didn't dream my life up. I worked hard, damn hard, to get to where I was before TN reared its ugly head. I put in effort, tears, determination, late nights, worked up to 5 jobs at a time..... And for what? To live one minute to the next, not knowing if I would be able to continue a conversation or if I may embarrass myself by screaming like an incensed banshee in the middle of a meeting? Did I do all I have in my young life for me to become a relative prisoner in my own home only to leave when I really have to? Did I work to prove the naysayers wrong so that I would have to deal with many people not even believing the basic premise of who I am and what I deal with every day?  I worked hard to try and achieve ambitions in a relatively young career and in studies...FOR WHAT????

I think this, not the pain, is probably one of the most difficult parts of coming to terms with TN for me. 

So, for today can I ask you to do me a favour? If you come across someone in your life struggling with a chronic pain condition.... Don't underestimate the effect or impact it has had on, not just their dreams but, their hard work in this crazy thing we call life.

To my fellow warriors, May the elephant on your face be gentle with you today.