Big old meanie

I haven't written here in ages. The reasons are multi-faceted. From wanting to focus on living, having a much more manageable pain level for a few months after the last surgery, to using Facebook more often to post about my pain. Tonight I feel like I need to write though. I'm such an irritable person the past few weeks that I'm actually irritated with my own irritability.
A quick catch up. The pain is back with a bang. About 10 months of bearable daily pain and minimal flair ups. For the past two months the 3rd branch has been going haywire. Every freaking day. Sometimes it's a few excruciating ones. Other days it's an onslaught of attacks that leave me bedridden for days. You just never know.

So why am I only now the irritable and miserable soul that I am? Probably a combination of normal life stress and the fact that in the past two days I had to go to the dentist (hell on earth for a TN warrior) to try to save a tooth that broke, had a sure on my eyelid and the initial stages of an ear infection. All on my left side. You see, the thing about TN is, we can try all we want to manage the pain, avoid triggers and generally just shut up about it. BUT, these three things which would be painful for anyone, exacerbates the pain we already have. For those who remember, TN is a result of damaged or misfiring nerves, like an exposed electrical wire  that you keep on touching. So now imagine that wire that you're touching is already shocking you and then you take the party to the shower. That's kind of how this feels right now. Like I have turned up the voltage on my pain. And I'm pissed about it. I'm pissed about the fact that it's so persistent and intense that I can't concentrate on work.  I'm pissed that it's preventing me from sleeping through the pain. I'm pissed that I'm getting pissed off at my family for ridiculous things.
Most of All, I'm pissed that this is life and I have to just deal with it.
So for now I'll be a big old meanie and hope and pray that soon it will become manageable again. Its either that or I bite my own head off.

To my warrior friends, may your elephant be more gentle to you than mine.