There's an elephant on my face: It's the little things....

Have you ever heard someone say "It's the little things that count"? Often in life that is so true and with Trigeminal Neuralgia, as I am sure it is with many other chronic diseases, it's more true than you can imagine.

For me there are various little categories that I can place this in to. Firstly, the pain itself. The slightest breeze, the vibration of the car as you drive, a kiss on the cheek or deciding to chew gum; can cause the most excruciating pain. I honestly believe that this is what makes this disease so unbearable. To know that I won't be able to enjoy a cool breeze on the hot summer days to come. To fear the cool water of a swimming pool, or know that a walk on the beach is most likely out of the question....those little things that bring contentment - it's heartbreaking.

Secondly, the disease. For most people, it is a little artery that is putting pressure on the Trigeminal nerve that is causing their symptoms. For others, like myself, it is a tumor (benign) in the skull (or brain for some people), that has changed the anatomy to the point where there is compression on the nerve. Little pills are often the first line of treatment, followed by surgery for many. I am not one of those who have the option of surgery and that "little" fact is a devastating one to accept. Knowing that many people around me truly care for me and want to help is comforting, but there are others who are not as understanding. Little comments from people, such as, "you look better," "you don't look sick," "why aren't you pulling your weight at work," etc. are difficult to deal with. However, there are those who don't make any comments directly to me or about the disease and choose to be passive-aggressive in the way that they will comment about the changes in the way I can function. Those are the hardest to deal with. That is the sad reality of this invisible disease.

Finally, the little pleasures in life are still there, and I hold on to them with all the strength I have. A hug from someone you love, my daughters (8 & 11 yrs old) asking for awareness ribbons to explain to their teachers what makes me experience such pain, having the energy to cook a meal for my family (even if it's the only thing I am able to do for an entire day), seeing a colleague getting excited when something we've worked on is a success....these are just a few of the things that I can mention right now.

I know that if I do not hold on to those little pleasures, the depression that comes with this disease and the constant pain will eventually add me to the statistics that have led to TN being dubbed the "suicide disease." The realisation that every day you feel a part of you or your life being eaten away little by little can literally be soul destroying and something that no one who has not experienced something similar can understand.

My wish for you, the reader, is that you search for those little things in life that make it worth still being here. Hang on to them, cherish them, and whatever you do..... do not give up.